on privilege
i lost my job recently, and navigating the job search process as an out trans woman has not been encouraging. i was at my last job for over ten years, but less than a year after coming out my employment was terminated. between coming out and my termination, i watched the way people interacted with me change, as well as their perceptions of my actions. what was once seen as taking the lead became impoliteness. i was talked over regularly, and my suggestions or advice ignored even when solicited, despite being the most senior member of my team. and i was held to impossible standards that none of my coworkers could have met either. i didn't have the tools to handle these changes, and now i'm unemployed.
what "male privilege" i attained prior to transition, through gritted teeth, was minimal and highly conditional. i was seen as "a guy", but never "a man", let alone "a real man." what privileges came along with that perception were highly dependent on maintaining the illusion, on asserting my masculinity and not being seen as a weird little faggot who needs to be taught a lesson on manhood. on not allowing myself to be feminized. so, of course, once i came out these were immediately revoked, down to the last. and what is most apparent to me about this is that i haven't developed a lot of habits and skills that my current level of privilege make absolutely necessary.
i got very used to being able to assume a certain level of bodily safety prior to transition. certainly not absolute safety, as most trans women, myself included, can tell you a story about someone trying to drown us growing up, not to mention the terror many of us often felt in a locker room surrounded by those seen as our peers. after high school, though, i got better at blending in and was rarely the target of physical violence. this is no longer the case.
since beginning my transition it's become very clear that i am a target. men have attempted to follow me, corner me near bathrooms, separate me from my friends, and otherwise put me in a vulnerable position. i've helped care for a friend whose drink was almost certainly drugged. i've tagged along on a quick trip out to the parking lot, just in case, so many times. and i have told so, so many other trans girls to consider their drink lost because they weren't paying attention to it for a while.
the thing is, predators know we don't have as much practice at this, and they use that to their advantage. it just takes one slip-up. so we have to be more careful than we think we do, and we have to watch out for each other. if you're reading this, i'll be watching out for you. i hope you'll do the same for me.